Mood: Sad
Tone: Serious
Topic: Decent into Despair
Someone once told me I had a good life because I don’t have a lot of problems…I guess that’s true enough…I myself don’t have any problems not really I have discomforts but not problems…but I kinda disagree with that person.
You see…for some God unknown reason I’m a source of strength and a form of ::Chuckle:: Sanctuary to a lot of people…and their problems become my problems…so…parents fighting…cheating on one another…getting a divorece…domestic violence…surcidal urges…surcide attempts and…varying forms and displays of depression…I got a lot of problems…::smiles:: but that’s okay…they wouldn’t come to me if I wasn’t strong…if I couldn’t handle it…
But I kinda wish I had a place to go to and kinda just cry…I really don’t…I know that must sound selfish…but I still wish…it’s kinda odd to have so many friends but still not feel comfortable with any of them to ask for help once in a while. I think I asked Lisette once..she helped for a little bit but later on things kinda changed and it went back to business as usual and me helping others. Junior helped me once…when my mom was at the hospital…I don’t like being home alone at night. I never really got over that fear of the dark. So he stayed on the phone with me until she got back. But he’s got his own set of problems lately…
Hmm…I wish I was a little more on the mark today…I don’t feel 100% Bad New on to of Bad news will do that to you really fast. One of the people I know tried to kill themselves, My dad is being a bit antagonistic, I think my mom is more depressed then most of my friends…it’s kinda weird. Her being like that.
It reminds me of when I was younger and my brother was first born. My mom kinda stopped caring about everything…and my dad was never around. He could have been but he wasn’t. he wasn’t at work or anything he was just never at home. He was off being a volunteer police officer. So I would ask my mom for breakfast in the mornings and she wouldn’t want to make it. I’d ask her to play with me and she wouldn’t. Sometimes I’d just sit on the floor and wait…and wait but she’d never move. My grandma came eventually and took care of me and my brother. I don’t know what the fuck fixed my mom but eventually she got herself back in working order. Hearing her cry today was reliveing that entire section of my life…all the times she ignored me, all the times I wanted a hug or a kiss and she would turn away…then when my dad was around and my brother would cry I would get in trouble for it I’m the one that got yelled at r hit on…my brother brought me a lot of trouble when he was born…and true enough I’ve had my moments of utter hatred toward him but I think I’m still pretty good to him.
I’m not too happy about a lot of things that have happened in my life…and I really don’t talk to much about my past to anyone…and the only reason I basically have a blog is because all my damn entries are written in word and basically addressed to myself and then I kinda just put them out there for a cheap laugh and perhaps to actually remember something later I don’t know some milestone in my life where I grew up…I really don’t think anything I write was meant for anyone else to read but sometimes it’s good for other people to see inside your head
Tone: Serious
Topic: Decent into Despair
Someone once told me I had a good life because I don’t have a lot of problems…I guess that’s true enough…I myself don’t have any problems not really I have discomforts but not problems…but I kinda disagree with that person.
You see…for some God unknown reason I’m a source of strength and a form of ::Chuckle:: Sanctuary to a lot of people…and their problems become my problems…so…parents fighting…cheating on one another…getting a divorece…domestic violence…surcidal urges…surcide attempts and…varying forms and displays of depression…I got a lot of problems…::smiles:: but that’s okay…they wouldn’t come to me if I wasn’t strong…if I couldn’t handle it…
But I kinda wish I had a place to go to and kinda just cry…I really don’t…I know that must sound selfish…but I still wish…it’s kinda odd to have so many friends but still not feel comfortable with any of them to ask for help once in a while. I think I asked Lisette once..she helped for a little bit but later on things kinda changed and it went back to business as usual and me helping others. Junior helped me once…when my mom was at the hospital…I don’t like being home alone at night. I never really got over that fear of the dark. So he stayed on the phone with me until she got back. But he’s got his own set of problems lately…
Hmm…I wish I was a little more on the mark today…I don’t feel 100% Bad New on to of Bad news will do that to you really fast. One of the people I know tried to kill themselves, My dad is being a bit antagonistic, I think my mom is more depressed then most of my friends…it’s kinda weird. Her being like that.
It reminds me of when I was younger and my brother was first born. My mom kinda stopped caring about everything…and my dad was never around. He could have been but he wasn’t. he wasn’t at work or anything he was just never at home. He was off being a volunteer police officer. So I would ask my mom for breakfast in the mornings and she wouldn’t want to make it. I’d ask her to play with me and she wouldn’t. Sometimes I’d just sit on the floor and wait…and wait but she’d never move. My grandma came eventually and took care of me and my brother. I don’t know what the fuck fixed my mom but eventually she got herself back in working order. Hearing her cry today was reliveing that entire section of my life…all the times she ignored me, all the times I wanted a hug or a kiss and she would turn away…then when my dad was around and my brother would cry I would get in trouble for it I’m the one that got yelled at r hit on…my brother brought me a lot of trouble when he was born…and true enough I’ve had my moments of utter hatred toward him but I think I’m still pretty good to him.
I’m not too happy about a lot of things that have happened in my life…and I really don’t talk to much about my past to anyone…and the only reason I basically have a blog is because all my damn entries are written in word and basically addressed to myself and then I kinda just put them out there for a cheap laugh and perhaps to actually remember something later I don’t know some milestone in my life where I grew up…I really don’t think anything I write was meant for anyone else to read but sometimes it’s good for other people to see inside your head
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